One thing that people always notice about Angelo Benedetto, aside from the uncanny resemblance to Jesus after a trip to Napoli’s finest Critical Needs Optometrist, is that he knows exactly what the plan for his life is. Complete strangers passing him on the street are often heard to remark, “That young man, about whom I have the strange urge to proselytize, sure did know where he was going before he got in that car accident.”
Accordingly, Angelo’s bio is depressingly straightforward. Raised in the basement of the Fort Lauderdale Friars Club by a confused Benedictine veteran of Vietnam, he spent his teenage years preparing an illuminated personal essay for his college application. On such a strength, he naturally was accepted to the for-the-sake-of-argument “prestigious” Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute where he met Elizabeth Elias Benedetto, who inexplicably had the same last name despite being utterly unrelated except by marriage. Having achieved his life-long dream of travelling fifteen hundred miles to fall in love with a woman who grew up in his home town, Angelo found himself at loose ends and accordingly flunked out with a thud audible in Schenectady, or possibly Poughkeepsie, whichever is funnier.
Never one to give up (he normally prefers to give in and has been known to give around, although not since U.S. vs. Benedetto, 417 US 478), Angelo resumed school at Florida State University, where his righteous hatred of the University of Miami was properly nurtured, and he more-or-less deliberately earned a degree in acting.
These are, of course, exactly the qualifications Rice University seeks in its chemistry graduate students, so after a brief detour to Central Michigan (q.v.), Angelo found himself in the dream position of earning slightly less than one-eighth his wife’s salary. Now, of course, Angelo has earned that coveted Ph.D., so he now proudly makes slightly more per year than he and his wife pay in taxes on her salary. Time to invest some of that hard-earned capital in an equity position in a band at the center of the exciting and fast-paced world of a cappella! Especially a band so hard up for basses that they’d consider a low-range tenor. Investment gold, I tells ya!